Voice of the White House

September 17, 2007

Washington, D.C.: I have heard it said that no one will dare to impeach Bush because they will get Dick Cheney in the Oval Office instead. This makes sense as Cheney is crazy as a loon and very, very dangerous. However, there is always hope. Our wonderful Vice President who even yesterday assured the staff here that we are going to stay the course in Iraq, right to the end, is terminally ill and maybe, and prayerfully, God will take Cheney to His Bosom very quickly. Cheney is a Type A person and his cardio-vascular problems mount daily. Yesterday, one his aides had a get together with some friends and said Cheneys lips keep getting blue, a sign of hopeful significance. Also, he has thrombosis in his varicose veins and hobbles around with a cane. Of course, if a cameraman is present, Cheney strides along, sans cane until he is out of camera range. His desk drawer, I am told, looks like a pharmacy and when he is not trying to invade someone, he is popping pills like a Soho artist. Another person here, with a medical background, tells me that one more incident and it is a state funeral under the Capitol dome. Let us pray, children!

Comment: Cheney's long histories of cardiovascular disease and periodic need for urgent health care have raised the question of whether he is medically fit to serve as Vice President. Cheney sustained the first of four heart attacks in 1978, at age 37. Subsequent attacks in 1984, 1988, and 2000 have resulted in moderate contractile dysfunction of his left ventricle. He underwent four-vessel coronary artery bypass grafting in 1988, coronary artery stenting in November 2000, and urgent coronary balloon angioplasty in March 2001. As Vice President, Cheney is cared for by the White House Medical Group. Staff from the WHMG accompany the President and the Vice President while either are traveling, and make advance contact with local emergency medical services to ensure that urgent care is available immediately should it be necessary. In 2001, a Holter monitor disclosed brief episodes of (asymptomatic) ectopy. An electrophysiologic study was performed, at which Cheney was found to be inducible. An implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD) was therefore implanted in his left upper anterior chest. As of 2004, it has never discharged. On September 24, 2005, Cheney had an endo-vascular procedure to repair popliteal artery aneurysms bilaterally, a catheter treatment technique used in the artery behind each knee. The condition was discovered at a regular physical in July, and, while not life-threatening itself, is likely an indicator that Cheney's atherosclerotic disease is progressing despite aggressive treatment. On January 9, 2006, Cheney was taken to hospital for tests after experiencing shortness of breath. He was given heart tests and tests for retention of water (he had been retaining water due to medication he had been taking for a foot complaint) before being discharged. He was placed on a diuretic to help get rid of the fluids. On March 5, 2007, Cheney was treated for deep-vein thrombosis in his left leg at George Washington University Hospital. He was taken there after experiencing pain in his left calf. Doctors prescribed blood-thinning medication and he was allowed to return to work. Cheney occasionally requires the use of a cane for walking. This, according to Cheney, is due to a foot condition and is unrelated to his cardiovascular disease.