Voice of the White House
February 1, 2018

Washington, D.C.: There recently appeared on what is often called the Dark Internet a thick file of official reports on various activities of the CIA. This includes mind control experiments, assassination of unwanted political figures domestic and foreign (the domestic ones include John F. Kennedy), drugs designed to cause the user to become disoriented during a speech or at a public event to destroy their reputations, the use of undetectable torture techniques such as waterboarding, spying on top domestic and foreign leaders, infiltrating foreign intelligence and business entities (such as German television companies or banks), urging governmental use of products of companies the CIA leadership held a financial interest, setting up so-called 'think tanks' such as the Rand organization in Santa Monica, California, to support their domestic and foreign plans, and many more very specific bits of information. The publication of this file, which is in progress, will cause spastic colon in Langley (and elsewhere in clever CIA front organizations) and selected persons who know too much will join hands and jump off the Key Bridge over the Potomac, and downstream they will be fishing bloated corpses out of the water...