Voice of the White House

July 26, 2010

Washington, D.C.:
"Ah, the media, the bureaucracy and the constant manipulations of the public are so entertaining, and predictable. For years, we have been subjected to the bleatings of the liberal left that the planet is undergoing Global Warming because of mankind's cruelty and stupidity and that a return to the fictitious but luring McGuffy Reader Days is strongly advocated. What we are now experiencing is global weather change, not global warming. Legitimate scientists, not the fake ones used by bloggers, are aware of the changes but no one knows just why these changes are occurring. Neither do any of the real experts know the duration of these changes. What is known is that glaciers all across the world, i.e. France, Switzerland, the Himalayas, the immense ice sheets covering Greenland and the Antarctic, the Andes glaciers and on and on, are all melting very rapidly. The resulting melt water has to go somewhere and the somewhere is the ocean. The levels of the ocean do not all rise at the same time and what one hears is that "There was a pretty high tide over on the coast last night... freak weather" and then the tide goes out and all appears to be normal again for a time. There is no mystery here about the coming inundated areas - a simple look at a topographic map will show what a sea level rise would cover but the question is not what but when. What now passes for 'freak high tides' and 'unexpected storm damage' to coastal areas will soon enough be discussed in a very reluctant press as 'sea level rises.' Why 'reluctant?' Because of the catastrophic dislocation to plant and population on our east coast, no one wants to be 'alarmist' so by the time it becomes apparent to everyone that there is a serious problem, real estate along the coast will be totally unsalable and uninsurable. 'Not on my shift!' is the cry here and like the looming mortgage disaster, let it happen later when we are out of office and living elsewhere. The conspiracy idiots will for certain begin a series of their usual loony rants about 'Tesla rays melting the ice' and other silly crap but I note that it is the deplorable tendency for our intelligence agencies and the public to study what was rather than what will be. They all belong to the Order of St. Precedent whose watchword is 'Look Backwards' and whose oft expressed hope is 'That Which Has Not Been, Cannot Be!' Wonderful. One of the reasons why my talents are often in demand outside the country is that in this country, St. Precedent rules. For example, the Russians are going to reoccupy the Ukraine. Bank on it. The great Sebastopol naval base that the Bush people so coveted is slipping away from them, the CIA's failed 'Orange Revolution' aside. No one in our terribly overrated intelligence agencies is interested in hearing this because they are far too busy crawling around on all fours, examining ant dung. And as a current example of lies and mendacity, we see in the news that 'shocking' and 'terrible' highly classified documents about Afghanistan have been 'revealed' to the public. What we really have here is a strong desire on the part of the Obama administration to exit from a very unwinnable war, a war started by the very evil George W. Bush. If Obama unilaterally announced a withdrawal, the hyenas of the far right would jump up and down, yapping and snapping and demanding his lynching, so the bank shot they are developing is to let a front agency 'reveal' material that will justify a withdrawal on the one hand and a real crackdown on anyone daring to pilfer and release any classified information on the other."